MOTIVATE AND MANAGE THROUGH COMMUNICATION

HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE WITH AND UNDERSTAND THOSE AROUND YOU SO YOU WANT A SUCCESSFUL PRACTICE AND LIFE... Probably, the greatest challenge and stress you will ever face will come from your interaction with others. Whether you know it or not, being an effective communicator reduces the risk of angry arguments, and gets others on your side, and even gets them to act with you instead of against you. But, developing any relationship, whether it is with your parents, spouse, children, co-workers, boss, employees, patients and friends, or acquaintances, requires nurturing, as well as under­standing. If I had a dollar for every minute that I argued or complained about anyone, I would be a multimillionaire. In fact, I would say that the greater part of most people's day is wasted on negative com­munication about others, whether they're talking to themselves, or to oth­ers about people they're upset with. You may even notice that just think­ing about a certain person conjures up a number of negative emotions, such as fear, anger, resentment, jealously, and/or rage, to name a few. So let us realize right now that we need to stop ruining our lives because of the way "we" view others, whether it is their fault or not. Sometimes it's so easy, when you do not have to deal with a particular per­son again. It gets very difficult when the irritating person is a relative, patient or co-worker, when it seems to require true genius to handle the situation. The foundation of any relationship is built on communication. Whether writ- ten or oral, we must learn to communicate our ideas to others so that they respond to what is asked or said in a positive way. The first person I think of, when I think of such a communica­tor, is a diplomat. Di­plomacy: That is the magic ingredient. DIPLOMACY AND COMMUNICATION A diplomat is someone that makes you think it was your idea, and all along it was his or her idea. A diplomat gets you to do what he/she wanted in the first place, and makes you happy about the choice. In other words, wouldn't it be nice to develop relationships with others where they love and respect you and at the same time they do what you ask because they want to do it? Then continue to do so because they know it makes you happy. It sounds too good to be true, but it can happen. Imagine getting your co-workers, patients, friends or family to do whatever you ask of them and, out of respect and love, being most happy to go out of their way to do it-without any arguments, fights, complaints, or justifications about why it can't be done, it would be done. You see, dealing effectively with people requires the proper knowledge and tools that need to be understood and mastered. When this happens you reach diplomat status. SO, HOW DOES ONE REACH DIPLOMAT STATUS? By being an effective communicator, that's how. How, then, does one become an effec­tive communicator? By developing skills that an effective communicator needs to master in order to effectively deal with others. Listen, don't just read what I am say­ing. Use it in your relationships. Please, be aware that you do not have to be a Rhodes scholar, Cornell Gradu­ate, or eloquent speaker to get your point across. An effective communica­tor doesn't necessarily use a vocabulary with thousand-dollar words that are eight syllables long. They use easy bite-size sentences, which create agreement and understand­ing with others. An effective communicator may not use proper grammar, but the people who they work with love them, and will, many times, do more for them than they would for themselves. Having an excel­lent grasp of your language, as well as being a grammatical buff, may make you a good language teacher, but it is not a priority for being an effective communicator. It never has been and never will be! An excellent communicator uses words (the smaller the better), gestures, facial expressions, tones of voice, and affinity which gain agreement through respect and determining how to serve the needs of others first. That's right, others come before you or your feelings. An excellent communicator does the following: . • ■ ■ An excellent communicator listens in­tently, the majority of the time, to what others want. An excellent communicator has a purpose designed to help the other person, and asks the other person many questions based on what the other per­son's purpose is. You will be interested to find out that most people have diffi­culty when asked about what they want. They are usually not sure, and require your help to pinpoint what it is that they want. This is especially true when deal­ing with patient management. Most of the time, patients really do not know what it is that you can offer them. If you do not help them figure out what it is they want from treatment, then how do you expect them to listen to you? An excellent communicator looks into your eyes (the windows of your soul) when they speak or listen to you. They never act bored or spend the majority of their time looking at your feet, or their watch. They are intent on grasping every word you say. When a patient does not look you in the eye, then they are usual­ly withholding something from you, or plan not to follow your instructions. In this case, you can confront the issue right there, but you have to be looking into their eyes first to notice this. An excellent communicator always ac­knowledges others, whether the job is well done or not and, by doing so, helps bring about improvement over the pres­ent outcome the next time. This is espe­cially true for staff members. They want to be acknowledged for their work. Of course, it can always be better, but it will not get better unless you acknowl­edge them in the first place. Find some­thing to get excited about and then ac­knowledge them for success, and build confidence from there. An excellent communicator never complains, criticizes, or condemns oth­ers for their thoughts or actions, but in­spires and encourages them and makes them feel important. Who do you know who likes condemnation, or likes to be criticized? Better yet, do you enjoy be­ing around people who always com­plain? What makes you think your staff enjoys it any more then you do? Do you want to complain, condemn and criti­cize? Then, when you wake up in the morning, start with the guy/girl looking back at you in the mirror for being such an insensitive jerk. Then, when you are finished, stop and go on with your life. An effective communicator never tells another that they are wrong, but elabo­rates on their viewpoint and, through a proper purpose, takes their viewpoint and modifies, molds, and shapes it to help everyone involved. Telling others that they are wrong, most of the time, leads to arguments. So stop telling peo­ple they are wrong-whether you think they are or they are not. An effective communicator always "looks up" to whomever they are com­municating with. After all, we are all God's children, and none of us is any better then any other. To serve others; needs is what we are put here to do-in fact, what we, as doctors, have chosen to do professionally. Really caring and understanding doctors are what we need to become. An effective communicator always asks you what it is that you want, and then, goes out of his or her way to give it to you, whenever possible. This works well with staff as well as patients, be­cause it shows them what a compassion­ate person you really are. An effective communicator always tries to help you solve your particular problem. He/She is always there to give you support and suggestions, never tell­ing you what to do, but supporting you in what you eventually choose to do. An effective communicator is always empathetic and never sympathetic. The effective communicator understands an­other's dilemma, but stays separated from it. An excellent communicator stays on an even keel, trying not to be­come emotional about things that he/she should not be emotional about, such as a patient refusing treatment, or not want­ing to follow your instructions. If you want people to support you, start supporting them first. Win them to your side, and you will have a team that will not let you down. You will accomplish much more when you communicate, rather than argue, with people. In fact, I cannot think of a single crite­ria that is more important to our success as doctors than developing our ability to communicate with others, to WIN THEM OVER to our way of thinking: "A Small Miracle". If you really want to make an impact on others, become a diplomat, and watch your life and prac­tice grow and mature, as we enter this new Millennium.^, Dr. James P. Cima received his Bachelor of Science degree from Cornell University, and his chiropractic degree from New York Chi­ropractic College. Dr. Cima has authored 10 books on all as­pects of healthcare and treatment, and has just developed a blood chemistry software program to assess your patients; nutritional requirements. Dr. Cima is in private practice in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. For seminar informa­tion and books written by Dr. Cima, call 1-800- 229-9763; Fax: 561-624-3871; web site www.unlimitedhealth.net; e-mail: docci-ma(5)msn.com.